Why I'm still here...

The question has been posed: "Why am I still in maryland, if DJ's mom is home?" The simple answer is: I'm still needed. Being a single parent in the military, living away from family, is difficult. The military could really care less if you have children and expects you to drop everything, including your family, to do whatever they tell you. 24-hour duty, late nights, etc. Things that daycare just doesn't cover.

Since I'm teaching at the preschool and DJ is so settled there and we love the school, I agreed to stay until school is out at the end of May. Yes, I'm miserable right now, but I will save that for a different post in a few days. I am needed, so I stay.

Once the end of May comes, DJ will go to daycare and in the fall he will be in kindergarten and before/after daycare. There will still be issues on duty days, but his mom is getting married in June and after August, when her fiance is out of the Marines, he will be able to be home for those kinds of things.

I have been doing this for over four years and it gets increasingly difficult, because I am sacrificing my whole life. That was my choice and I will stick with it until my time is done. DJ is in many ways, my own child. Yes, it will be a very big change for everyone when I go, but its time to move on. It's time for his mom to figure out parenthood, without me there to pick up the pieces when she makes mistakes. Parenthood is really a giant system of trial and error anyway.

So, there you go. I'm here for now, because I am needed and because I said I would stay. Then, I will move on to other things. Work, school. My own life.

In other news, Todd and I signed divorce papers yesterday, after over two years of separation. Now, we wait to see if the judge decides we need to go to court simply to say yes, this is uncontested, or if the judge just signs off on it and its done. I'm not sure how I feel about it all right now.