no longer

I am no longer a pseudo-parent. I am no longer a nanny. Starting tomorrow morning, I am just me. On my way home.

To follow my adventures from here, please follow my new blog:

"Adventures in Reality"
http://megslifeandtimes.blogspot.com

I don't know exactly where life is taking me, but I trust that God has a plan and I am excited!

Updates

My apologies for the long gap in posts. Life got a little crazy. Can't say it's slowed down much, but I have a few minutes.

First of all, the surgery went amazingly well, I was never really in any pain, the recovery has gone so smoothly, so easily. It was so great to have my mom here to help and spend time with. I look forward to her coming back in just a few weeks.

DJ is taking kung-fu now and even though he's tiny, he is very excited about it and is doing quite well. He just got his white belt a few weeks ago, but tests for his orange belt (I think) at the end of May.

Easter weekend, which was also my birthday weekend was busy. Saturday (my birthday) was spent egg hunting. The Naval Hospital hosted an egg hunt and games and food, which had to be moved indoors, due to rain. I think it would have been a lot better if it was outside. That afternoon, we headed over to my pastor's house, where he and his family were hosting a big egg hunt. The rain had stopped by that point, so we all barbecued, ate lots, and the kids found tons of eggs in the yard.

Sunday, we woke up to bright sunlight. Had a nice breakfast at home (applesauce pancakes, yummy!), and the four of us headed to church. We even got DJ's mom to join us, and it was a wonderful service. After church and some quiet time, we had a little egg hunt inside at home. DJ got some fun puzzles and books from Grandma Joan, so he was excited.

We are trying to get back into the swing of things, now that my mom has left and spring break is over. I go back to teaching next week, which is great. I have missed it! The movers come on May 15th, and my mom and I drive away from here on May 26th. Somewhere in all of that, we fit in some fun school activities, like the Mother's Day program, Pre-K graduation, and the big end of the year picnic.

DJ is having a rough time right now, not sure if it's the stress of everything going on in the house or just a really crappy phase. He is so over-emotional, not sleeping well, acting out. He's a great kid and everyone goes through rough patches, but this is a first for him, so it's been a big adjustment for his mom and I. Not really sure what's going on, but we're hoping once things settle down in a few weeks, he will calm down.

In any event, there's lots going on, the weather is all over the place, typical for Maryland. It rains (really, really rains) for a few days, then it's beautifully sunny and warm for a day or so, then back to the cooler weather and torrential rains. I can't wait for the thunder storms and tornado watches to start. Ha.

Surgery and other things

I will be having surgery on Tuesday March 31st to remove my non-functional gallbladder. I should be home the same day. My mom is flying out today, to spend a few weeks with me, helping me during my recovery.

I will find out tomorrow, when I see my GI (stomach) doctor what the plan of action will be for the Hiatal Hernia they discovered I have, while testing the gallbladder issues. It will require another surgery, although when that will happen is still unknown. There may be a few more tests required.

DJ has started kung-fu classes and is doing pretty well with it. He has first belt test (while belt) tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. His Kindergarten registration is coming up next week, as well. Time flies.

For a complete subject change, I am super addicted to Twilight and American Idol. I have been addicted to AI for years, but I'm a big, big fan of a few people this year, mostly Adam Lambert. I can't even describe how amazing he is. As for Twilight, I read all the books, saw the movie in theaters twice and now own it on DVD and have watched it twice at home, once with commentary, once without. I will probably watch it another 300 times in the next few months. Ok, maybe only 5 or 6 times...

Tests and testing my patience

On the medical front, things have only gotten crazier. I had a test this week, which revealed some new information and requires some other testing. So, I have a ct scan, nuclear medicine scan, and an endoscopy scheduled in the coming weeks, along with a couple other doctors appointments. I've tried to just pray and give it to God, because otherwise I would be freaking out. I know it's going to work out just fine, but it's a lot to go through on top of everything else. DJ has been going to daycare part-time, because I'm having a hard time keeping up with him, and that was a very agonizing decision that his mother and I had to make.

About two and a half months until I had supposed to head home to Tacoma and start my "new life", and hopefully all this will work out in time for that to still happen on schedule.

I need to find a moving company and schedule my pack-out date, to get all my stuff back home. I'm still teaching at the preschool a couple days a week.

The lack of blogging is just because there's so much going on and much of my down-time has been spent sleeping as I seem to be exhausted all the time these days.

So...

I have gallstones and my gallbladder must be removed ASAP, as the stones are creating blockages and a whole lot of pain! I meet with the surgeon next week to determine the best course of action. I'm pretty freaked out by the whole thing, but I know, in the end, it will all work out. More information to come.

(btw, the reason the birthday party pics haven't been uploaded is because when I had time to do it this weekend, I was in too much pain to do anything but take meds and sleep. Someday, I will post them.)

Whaaa?!

DJ just turned five on Monday (pictures from this weekend's birthday bash to follow soon), and now, his mom discovered today that he has three (THREE!!!) loose teeth! One of them is extremely loose and the other two are just started to wiggle. I'm so not ready for him to be losing teeth! Where is the time going???

When did this happen?!

DJ turned five today! I can't believe it!

This could be a long one...

Ok, so let me try to lay it all out here. There is a lot going on, for myself and for those around me and some of it is good, some not so much, some I'm undecided about. Right now, it all just adds up to madness. I'm going to ramble, so try to follow along. :-)

Not to be overly negative, I will start out with a good thing. School is going great. I love working at the preschool, the kids seem to like me a lot, the parents approve of me. That is the one really bright spot in my life these days and its what keeps me going.

I suppose part of my problem is that I have short-timers syndrome. I know I am leaving in a few months, so everything seems harder or more frustrating than it used to. DJ is a great kid, I don't want to make him out to be anything different. He is a typical almost five-year-old boy. Full of energy, full of questions, and sometimes full of attitude. Compared to a lot of other kids I've seen, he is so well-behaved and polite.

So, the biggest thing going on around here right now is that DJ's mother is getting married next week. It's at the courthouse. Their "real" wedding will be this summer. Only a handful of people know about next week. For the most part, J is a great guy. They are really happy together, so I guess that's what matters. We have our differences, that's going to happen with anyone. I can't really say anything bad about J. He loves DJ, DJ loves him. I think it's going to work out great. The big issue is that J has two other kids, a boy (almost 10) and a girl (8) who live with their mother in Ohio. Due to deployments (J is a Marine), he hasn't been around to raise them much and they are wildly out of control. They spent the long MLK weekend with us a couple weeks ago and it was insanity. I spent almost the entire weekend in my room, because I couldn't handle it.

I will fully admit to being a control freak. I know you lose a certain amount of control when you throw kids into the mix. I have been raising DJ for over four years now. DJ knows the rules, he knows what he should and shouldn't do. These other kids had no idea. They just ran around like wild animals. It created a lot of friction between the adults, because DJ's mom was on my side of the issue and J felt like we hated his kids or blamed him for his behavior. Neither of which was true.

In any event, J can't move up here until he is out of the Marines this summer, so for now, he visits on weekends and in this case, will be here for over a week, which will actually be a big help to me.

To change the subject to myself...Todd and I have been separated for over two years and he has the divorce papers, but due to a lot of incorrect information and miscommunication with the courthouse, we haven't been able to sign and process them yet. Ok with me, right now, as I still need my medical coverage.

I have severe acid reflux disease. I have had it probably my whole life, although they didn't even know what it was when I was little, so I wasn't diagnosed until it had done quite a bit of damage. I had surgery to try and control it in 1997. The surgery was successful for a few years, but it's not a long-term fix. A year ago, I was diagnosed with a condition that results from prolonged (years and years) of acid exposure to the esophagus. It causes cellular changes and if the exposure it not stopped, can eventually lead to cancer. Its early enough for me, that as long as I keep the reflux under control with medication, I should live a long life with no risk of developing the bad stuff.

Monday, I woke up very early in the morning, in serious pain. It got somewhat better, but continued through the day. The location of the pain concerned me, because of this surgery years ago, I was afraid something had come undone or something else bad like that. DJ's mom was in a class all day, so I just got through it, and when she got home from work, she took me to the ER. They couldn't find anything wrong, so they sent me home with pain meds. It's gotten somewhat better, but I'm still in pain and now my reflux meds aren't working, unless I double the dose. They have worked very well for a year now, and its possible that I need to switch meds for awhile, but that's a tricky thing, as I'm about to lose my medical coverage and most of these meds aren't over-the-counter. I see my doctor this next week and may see the GI specialist in the coming weeks, so we will figure something out. It's just a little nerve-wracking, not to mention uncomfortable.

Back to the subject of school for a moment...one of the teachers I work with, someone who is so phenomenal at her job, I admire her so much, was just diagnosed with bladder cancer. They don't know how bad yet or what the course of treatment will be. Depending on what they find in the next week or so, she may not be able to work anymore or have to scale back her hours considerably. Right now, I work monday and wednesday afternoons in the pre-k class. This other teacher takes the tuesday and thursday afternoons in the pre-k along with her morning 3's class that she teaches. Most likely, I will be taking her two afternoons, because treatment will make her tired and possibly sick. While this is good for my paycheck, it makes me very sad, because she is just so great at what she does and the kids love her and I know how much teaching means to her as well.

We are in the midst of another big birthday party season. Last weekend one friend had a party. This weekend we have two on the same day, at the same place, just a couple hours apart. The weekend after, is DJ's turn. I can't believe he will be five years old! I took on the planning and preparations for this party, all his mom has to do is pay for it and show up. I don't mind, really, as I know all the parents from school and I'm available more than she is, so it makes sense. It does add a little more to my plate, fortunately only temporarily. After next weekend, all that will be left is thank you cards and those are easy.

I don't know if I've quite gotten everything out of my head that I had intended for this post, but for now, I suppose that will have to do. I'm sure there is more and I will think of it later.

On a side note, unrelated to the madness, I just finished the final book in the Twilight Saga and while happy with the ending, I am sad its over. I got so hooked on this storyline and I've even seen the movie twice. Considering I only just started the first book around Christmastime... Why can't there be more?! I guess I will just have to wait for the next movie.

Back to school today!

We are still under a sheet of ice (and probably some snow under that), but school has finally reopened today and I couldn't be happier. DJ and I were both going more than a little stir crazy being stuck at home for 2 days. Best of all, it's not a day that I teach, so I can run some errands I need to run and even manage to put gas in my car! Yay!

If DJ's mom didn't have duty today, meaning she won't be home at all, it would have the potential to be a fantastic day. DJ has developed a bit of separation anxiety when it comes to his mom and he knows she will be home tomorrow, but he's still upset by it, so it makes for a rough night. Fortunately, she only has duty once or twice a month.

The next couple weeks (and weekends) are going to be INSANE. I will try to blog more about that later. I need to get DJ fed and dressed and finish scraping the ice off my car, so I can take him to school.

Maybe I can even find a picture or two of our "Shiny snow" as DJ calls it. It snowed several days ago, then froze solid on top, then rained most of yesterday, then froze again. So, it looks like snow, but it's ice, so its bright and shiny. Kinda cool, if you aren't trapped because of it.

amusing

DJ is a sleepwalker and considering the extremely close proximity of the stairs to his bedroom door, he still has a gate up in the doorway, even though he will be five years old in 2 weeks. In any event, our bedrooms share a wall, so in the morning, he will sing a song or find some other way to let me know he is awake and I remove the gate. Sometimes we cuddle in his bed for awhile before going downstairs for breakfast. This morning, he was feeling silly or hyper or something. I was laying in his bed, while he ran around it. At some point he said:

"I'm sneaking up on you, so don't look over here".

Needless to say, I wasn't very surprised when he tackled me a moment later.

Yesterday, he proclaimed that Jesus in invisible. He keeps hearing at church and we tell him at home too that God/Jesus is everywhere, but DJ argues that he can't be, because we can't see him. He has apparently decided to compromise and declare him invisible.

Kids are funny.

Why I'm still here...

The question has been posed: "Why am I still in maryland, if DJ's mom is home?" The simple answer is: I'm still needed. Being a single parent in the military, living away from family, is difficult. The military could really care less if you have children and expects you to drop everything, including your family, to do whatever they tell you. 24-hour duty, late nights, etc. Things that daycare just doesn't cover.

Since I'm teaching at the preschool and DJ is so settled there and we love the school, I agreed to stay until school is out at the end of May. Yes, I'm miserable right now, but I will save that for a different post in a few days. I am needed, so I stay.

Once the end of May comes, DJ will go to daycare and in the fall he will be in kindergarten and before/after daycare. There will still be issues on duty days, but his mom is getting married in June and after August, when her fiance is out of the Marines, he will be able to be home for those kinds of things.

I have been doing this for over four years and it gets increasingly difficult, because I am sacrificing my whole life. That was my choice and I will stick with it until my time is done. DJ is in many ways, my own child. Yes, it will be a very big change for everyone when I go, but its time to move on. It's time for his mom to figure out parenthood, without me there to pick up the pieces when she makes mistakes. Parenthood is really a giant system of trial and error anyway.

So, there you go. I'm here for now, because I am needed and because I said I would stay. Then, I will move on to other things. Work, school. My own life.

In other news, Todd and I signed divorce papers yesterday, after over two years of separation. Now, we wait to see if the judge decides we need to go to court simply to say yes, this is uncontested, or if the judge just signs off on it and its done. I'm not sure how I feel about it all right now.

post-holiday blahs

So, I'm back in Maryland. We got back very early yesterday morning, after some airport issues. Long story, too tired to tell it right now. We finished up presents here yesterday, and today it's back to the same routine, school, work, blah blah, blah.

I had a great vacation at home, did not want to come back, but here I am. Just a few more months and hopefully I will be back on the west coast, where I want to be.

I am unhappy right now, and have 800 million tons of laundry to do, and have to teach at least 3 days this week. I will try to post again soon.